I wish I were gone. I wish that I were so completely gone
that my meaningless, hypocrisy filled existence vanished from ever being. This
place makes me feel awfully sick and I’m not sure if I can bear another day of
it here. Over the course of five weeks I have spent my days sitting idly
through academics, listening to adults engrain the pressure of grades and college
into my and so many others’ heads. The social interactions I have overheard
from beyond my own distant table in the cafeteria never failed to upset me. Ranging from
overprivileged girls complaining about dress options for a dance, to equally as
privileged boys arguing over which of their female classmates is the most
attractive, conversations similar to these are commonplace at a high school
such as Kingswood Oxford. It seems that at this school, like so many other
places, one is expected to have a cheerful and happy personality. Unfortunately
for me, I can only feign content for so long. Only once have I tried to join a
group of girls in conversation. They were discussing their individual plans for
life after high school. As I listened
quietly, fumbling with the hem of my dress, one member of the group, Susan,
explained so matter-of-factly that she planned to bypass college completely and
marry off to a financially stable man with good looks. After that horrific
display of societal brainwash at its finest, I concluded that everyone at this
school was just like the others from my experience at college. All of them, so
focused on superficial elements such as expensive brand name clothing and high
school crushes that they can’t seem to realize that they are blindly conforming
to social standards, trapped in their own self-absorption.
It's interesting how you transition from nihilism into revulsion of societal norm, showing how its society that causes this sadness/despair. Also, it's a good overview of school, not so much a singular location: as a reader I can understand most of Esther's emotions, about KO in general.
ReplyDeleteHi Mackenzie,
ReplyDeleteYou do a good job showing Esther's alienation (self-imposed at times) in the KO community. She sees little value in what everyone else around her does. Think about how KO in 2015 is different from the schools that Esther attended in the 1950s. What would she notice in particular about today's girls that is different from girls back then? Try to develop the idea of students today conforming just as much as students back then. How so?