I tried to kill myself. It was only a few days ago. I was in the bathtub and I wanted to go under. I wanted to feel the water fill my lungs, watch as the world grew fuzzy and then eventually dark. To feel all panic subside until all that was left was peace and my descent into nothingness. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t get myself to do it.
I sat down on the park bench early in the morning as I waited for my first class. There was something indescribably beautiful about the lonely campus. Shadows dancing on the senior green as the wind passed through the leaves of the trees. The stillness and the quietness, the passing cars, the smell of the wet grass. I could see the teachers inside the buildings, setting up their rooms, writing on the board, and preparing for the day ahead. As the school began to awake, my solitude was shattered by the sound of construction.
I saw feet shuffle past me, and with them came mindless chatter and conversation. I could hear laughter as more and more people passed by. I was envious. And I wondered, what was I envious of? Was it the meaningless chatter or my inability to belong when all I’ve ever known was my feeling of being disconnected.
I loved how descriptive you were in the beginning when you were depicting her thoughts as she contemplated and even attempted to kill herself. Furthermore, I enjoyed all the emotions that you incorporated into the post, as I felt that you really immersed yourself into the inner working of Esther's complicated mind.
ReplyDeleteHi Jenna,
ReplyDeleteAs Ellen notes, your piece is wonderfully descriptive. You capture Esther's point of view so well, showing her morbidity and apathy. Try to say even more about the KO community. What would she point out about this environment in 2015 as opposed to the 1950s?